I’ve been so emotional the past few weeks so bear with me.
I remember when Kailyn was hospitalized with pneumonia back in 2010 when I finally got baby fever. I thought about losing my daughter so much in the hospital, that thoughts of another baby were welcomed in my head on the regular. In the back of my mind there was always the thought that Kailyn wouldn’t be the only child. My husband wanted (and still wants) a son and team blue so bad that to not even try again was not an option. It was inevitable that one day I would have the opportunity to experience the little baby milestones again. It was just a matter of when which put my mind at ease.
To be honest, my husband and I are undecided on family size. If we won the lottery tomorrow I’d probably have ten kids or stop once we had a boy. I kid. I kid. But seriously, we are both still capable of having children so until things are “internally finalized” which we’ve discussed also, there is always the question of are we done? I mean we are pretty balanced right now and B has always said that kids cannot outnumber us. Plus we have two healthy little girls, a blessing in itself and the odds of another girl are in our favor. -ha!
But the other day I almost had a panic attack with Kamryn walking. What if this is the LAST time I will ever get to experience the joys of a baby? The smells, the coos, the dependency. My last baby to nurse. The last to rock and soothe to sleep.
By no means am I saying I want another child right now. Even with B still nagging. I hate pregnancy. HATE pregnancy. It’s the worse 10 months that anyone can ever experience. Swollen ankles, swollen feet, weight gain, cravings, sickness, complications- no thank you.
It’s just Kamryn will be one in November. This past year has gone by extremely fast. She will no longer be my little baby but a toddler. The thought of Kamryn truly being my ”last”. Every smile, every cry, every little ounce of slob has been treasured. I wish she would stay little forever and always.
How did you know you’d finally had your “last”?